Wow. It's been a long time, huh?
Since I last posted a cartoon on Newgrounds, Macromedia Flash turned into Adobe Animate, Generation Z became more than just speculative social fiction, and I thoroughly outstayed my welcome on this platform.
I know I never really had a presence here on Newgrounds - the content I created in my teens was always too flawed or lacked any central value to be engaging as entertainment, and the little I contributed by way of actual creative efforts when I returned as an adult was either broken, stupid or unfinished; often all three at once.
So a post like this probably seems unwarranted, or an unnecessary formality, and it would be, if it weren't for the kindness and support the Newgrounds community continually showed me over the years. I guess I'm writing this to express my sincere remorse for not returning that support in both my own attitude and behavior at the time.
Instead, I acted as a kind of D or E (or let's face it, probably Z) list community figure, public nuisance, or one of those weird human trainwrecks people occasionally stop to find fascinating. For this, or some other reason (maybe pity?), a weird phenomenon seemed to occur during late 2016 where people seemed to actually be responding to me positively, or with some kind of encouragement, or at least some kind of awareness, which ultimately ended in me becoming an ego-fuelled psychotic monster with no moral barometer and even less of a verbal filter. Needless to say, it's a period in my life and a part of myself that I don't look back on fondly.
All this culminated in a total self-instigated character assassination on chat, with a certain personal hero I failed to recognise, much less do the honor of respecting. While I don't have the chatlogs myself, I'm certain they (and others around the same time) do me no favours in not looking like an out of touch narcissist with zero self-awareness.
This, and other layers of me being a shitty friend and/or person (including another parasocial encounter, this one offline, that makes up another depressing chapter in the Never Meet Your Heroes narrative of my life), lead to what basically amounted to a total schizophrenic break, in which I tried and failed to reconcile with my past actions and character.
I dropped meds and quit smoking pot, which essentially left me exactly the same as before but a whole lot sadder (I've since remained pot-sober with four exceptions; getting a second-hand buzz from the crowd at a music festival, and the various times I've deliberately stood very near people at parties while they smoked), started looking for jobs (I'm now a manuscript critique and consultant for a novelist, in addition to interning in sound production and UX), and basically tried to get my life on track, with mixed results. I had to put my webcomic on hiatus, and it's now been nearly a year since the last update. I really miss it and still mean to finish it when I have the time and resources (more on that later probably).
So what's the point of this long, super-depressing update post? Well, I guess for starters, if you ever had anything to do with me before I left Newgrounds, I'm really sorry for what a flippant, vain arsehole I was, and if you ever contributed in the various efforts to be nice to me, I'm sorry for messing it all up.
I'll probably write up some editorial-type creative blog post about Animation Production-Creep and put out some more content/collaborations in due course, but until then, I'll let this stand as marker between the here and now and the nightmare archives that came before.
Yours forever in armistice,
Some guy on his blog.